This is an actual story from the wife of what can happen while going through the litigation divorce process. Each time I hear a story, I still can’t believe this goes on and that the legal system even allows this type of nonsense. However, this is VERY REAL, and for the most part attorneys do not have any incentive to settle a case early since that has a negative effect on future and continued billing. In most cases like this, the couple runs out of $$ and eventually forced to sign a Stipulation of Settlement that does not work for one or both parties…..
After 30 years of marriage, my now ex-husband filed for divorce. We walked into the courtroom and sat down next to our respective attorneys with instructions not to say anything or show any emotion. The man at the front of the room, the “special referee” began to lecture us on divorce and what would happen during the process. We could either make it go as quickly as possible or we could “fight over Aunt Millie’s teapot”. He cautioned us not to fight over the proverbial teapot and to keep the best interests of our two children in mind. I left the courtroom prepared for a contentious negotiation but nothing could have prepared me for what happened over the next two years.
I felt like I was living in a surrealistic nightmare! This had to be happening to someone else! I asked myself daily, “How did this become my life?” I had agreed to the sale of our house, the only home my children had known, as their father refused any monetary offers that would have allowed us to stay there. So, after I found a house to rent for my two daughters and me to move into, with the approval of my attorney, I began to relocate my family heirlooms and personal belongings into our new home. I received a “cease and desist” letter from my ex-husband’s attorney and found myself back in court. We had both been instructed to arrive with a list of items we wanted to keep. My ex read his list first. He asked for many expensive items including two flat screen televisions, a baby grand piano and the full contents of our garage. When asked if that was all he wanted, he said yes. Both attorneys agreed that, by default, everything else would go to me. And that’s when the fighting began! The angry emails and phone calls were received by my attorney several times a day. Things began to disappear from the house – my fur coat, the Faberware kitchen utensils, paper towels – and my ex demanded the FULL set of Al Clad pots. I agreed to split the set with him, gave him three frying pans and two pots with lids as well as a steamer attachment. I kept four pieces – the large sauce pot, a smaller pasta pot, a cassoulet, and a stove-top grill pan.
On the final day of negotiations we were kept in separate rooms due to orders of protection. My ex’s attorney came into the room and announced that he would not sign the Stipulation of Settlement because he wanted the pots back. I said I would give him three of the pots but I wanted to keep the grill pan. She came back in and said, ok but he also wants a Hummel.
Me: “A Hummel! He wants a Hummel! I have two Hummel’s and they were given to me by my mother. One at my bridal shower, because she gave the same one to my three older sisters, and one when my first daughter was born, because she gave the same one to my three sisters.”
His Attorney: “Well he wants one. Can’t you just give him one?”
Me: “No. And by the way, they’re both broken. A few years ago one of our younger daughter’s friends was running through the house and while passing by the breakfront in the dining room they fell over and both their heads came off.”
His Attorney: “They’re broken?! Then why does he want one? It has no monetary value.”
Me: “Are you new here? He only wants one to prevent me from having it!”
Well, needless to say, I probably have the only Stipulation of Settlement that reads “wife to return three pots and a Hummel to husband”.
Fast forward (not really) to this past October when we met for the final time to exchange possessions. I was owed $3,250 from his life insurance policy and he was to receive the pots and Hummel. When he saw the Hummel with its little head rolling around in the box he was furious. He yelled at my attorney “This isn’t the one I wanted. I want the one my parents gave us!” I looked at my attorney and said, “His parents never gave us a Hummel. They gave us an imitation figurine that looks like a Hummel but it’s not, and anyway, I don’t have it”. My ex took the box with the Hummel, threw it to the ground and stomped on it several times, smashing the little thing to bits, looked at my attorney and said, “And now it’s garbage! Where’s your dumpster because that’s where the pots are going.”
So, the moral of the story … even if you never intended to fight over “Aunt Millie’s teapot” you may wind up arguing over a headless Hummel. You can only control how you choose to react!
D.L.-New York
mediatedontlitigate 